push.

push. its a word that could take on so many meanings. however, the meaning thats been on my heart is the pushing of people. not literal physical pushing, but emotinal and mental pushing.think of it as someone who is trying to help you, and you shoo them off, or push them away. its something ive done several times. push. its something i hate to admit ive done. its something that i would see as a dark spot in my history. one instance is the biggest standout in my mind. i pushed someone who had my best intrest and walk with christ in mind. and i pushed, or shoved rather, them away. that person tried to help. that person cared. but i, i was at a point of anger, and i saw help as accusation. that is a time that i wish i had sat and thought. i wish i had prayed. and i wish i had acted diffrently. push. at this moment, the mending of that relationship seems reletivly unsucsessful. and for that im burdened. this person, was a strong mentor in christ for me. push. it ruins things. i hope that this person reads this. and i hope they understand its about them. and i hope, that despite my push, the walk back. becase now i have a realization, or maybe revelation and i hope the see my apology as sincere, because it is. dont push. dont push. especially those who strengthen your walk with christ.

this is NOT my home.

ive recently discovered this amazing resale shop. i love it. thats pretty much where all my clothes come from. ive made a commitment to shop only resale shops until i turn 16. im cool with that, i see no reason to pay full price. and i mean, i dont think i look that bad. it just makes sense to me. id rather spend money on something else, or give it. not that im not trying to look my best, i am. but i feel like the clothes i wear dont matter. i like to look good, but i feel no presure of conformity. and to be honest, in ten years, no one cares what i wore the first day of fresman year. no one cares what i wore ever. and i think im perfectly fine with that. i actually love the thrill of getting 90 dollar jeans for 12 bucks. and if i dont tell you that they arent new, id almost put money on it that you wont notice. the clothes i see people wear and stress over i think is just god once again reminding me that this world is not my home. not even slightly. because one day ill be sitting in heaven with the messiah, and honestly, my clothes dont matter then either. in this world im called to a much higher calling then putting clothes that cost more than a house payment on my body. and i see girld who "dress to impress", and i get that its to look good and impress the guys. however, like i said in my last post, god will put him in my path, and he will love me. he will love my in my four dollar banana republic shirt and 16 dollar BKE jeans. or in sweats. whatever. it doesnt matter. he will love me. and ladies, the guy god has for you. he will do the same. and if he doesnt, god will but the one who does in your path.

its all planned out.

yeah, im young. very young. however that doesnt mean im stupid. i have hormones, desires, and crushes. but you know, im not much on romance. as i mentioned in my previous post i have had one serious relationship, but even though it was great while it lasted, it ended. and though it ended well, it ended. that relationship, fuled by my selfish desires, was a stumbling block for me. (to clarify, the ending of that was not his fault, but mine.) i grew father away from God in those months. Spiritually that was a dark time for me. for almost half of a year, i put God in the backseat. I ignored my spiritual calling, and i, just i, was to blame. it's difficult fessing up to your mistakes, however, i feel i need to. my calling, your calling, and everyones calling is to serve the lord, and currently single is my best option. though this,i can serve my creator to the fullest. right now, at three months shy of fifteen, im ok with single. because the chances are my future husband is not someone i know, or even will meet in the next 5 years, and when you come to grips with that, you might change some parts of your life. at this time it would take a very special boy, who is spiritually, mentally, and emotionally solid for me to have another relationship. im open to it, however if im not stronger in Christ in a relationship than i am single, that says something. that says that im not in the right relationship. which is why i have chosen not to seek out a guy, god will put one in my path.theres no reason to seek out a guys attention, i already have Christ's. maybe this guy is someone i'll meet in a month, or maybe ten years but regardless God knows! this weekend i got the pleasure of seeing my brother, Ryan. his girlfriend Courtney was visiting. (btw, Courtney is beautiful,godly,and wonderful. love her.) Every time i looked at them, i couldnt help but think, this is what a relationship should look like. you saw how much they cared without them saying a word, and it was beautiful. which is why i will wait. one day i will be the Courtney, and God will put the Ryan in my life. and thats a day i look forward too. no matter what walk of life he comes from, that person is wonderful because the ultimate matchmaker put him with me. my god has a plan and knows exactly who that is, and he is so much better than any 14 year old boy i think i love. this guy, whoever he is, is the love of my life. and without meeting him, i alreadly love him. because the one who matched him with me is far better than eHarmony or Match, God knows, and he has it all planned out.

yeah,im young.

hi. I guess I should start of with the basics. my name is Hannah. im 14 years old and pretty tall. i have a brother and sister and my dad is an absoluely brilliant southern baptist pastor. My walk with Christ started at the age of five. I'm not so sure i understood everything then but i knew what i was doing. It would be almost seven years later when i came to grips. In the Baylor Universsity gym at a Student Life Camp, I came to truly know Christ. I've always been in church, read the bible and prayed. however on that day, in late July of 2009 , i saw Christ in all of his Glory. Everything washed over me like a wave. I left that camp feeling on top of the world. I felt Christ prescence in me to an unbelieveable extent. It would be about two weeks and the world hit me like a strong brick wall. temptation, anger, and insecurity filled me. I tried to glorify god, but this world is a hard place. this world has little respect and is very judgemental. I had little means of combat for it. my life was quickly flipped upside down. A year passed. and i found myself in another gym. Angelo State University, June 2010. Student Life Camp. this camp changed my life. forever. i noticed the errors in my life. i noticed my lack of faith. i noticed EVERYTHING. i was ready. i was ready to heed Gods call. and i did. or i did my best. two weeks later the world hit me cold and hard again. however this time i was ready. about six months later something changed my life again. i met someone who is still very special to me. i jumped in to a relationship with him without thinking of the spirtiual consequences. i ignored god. i ignored others. i felt that i was exactly where i needed to be. and maybe i did need to be there. however i lost myself in that. and it wasnt his fault,it was mine. someone told me in those five months to think about the spiritual aspect of my relationship, i was angry and felt accused. however it took one more gym, and one more camp to make me understand. That person was so right and i shoved them away, but i saw what the meant later. Louisiana Tech University. Student Life Camp. landon dowden was speaking. he said something i will never forget. " if we want to be DEVOTED to Christ, our only hope is through Christ." hit me hard. i saw that in my relationship i was more devoted to him than christ and i that moment i made my mind up. it was a long, hard, tearful phone call. five months is a long time for an unexpected breakup. however even through the sobs, and exhaustion, i knew i chose correctly. God was already using me, and needed this obstacle out of the way to glorify his name. Like i said, that person is still very special to me however i knew they couldnt hold the title they had in my life. God has a plan. I had to trust. I need him every muinute, and now im ready for whatever the world throws at me. i have the greates defense, and thats Jesus Christ.