its all planned out.

yeah, im young. very young. however that doesnt mean im stupid. i have hormones, desires, and crushes. but you know, im not much on romance. as i mentioned in my previous post i have had one serious relationship, but even though it was great while it lasted, it ended. and though it ended well, it ended. that relationship, fuled by my selfish desires, was a stumbling block for me. (to clarify, the ending of that was not his fault, but mine.) i grew father away from God in those months. Spiritually that was a dark time for me. for almost half of a year, i put God in the backseat. I ignored my spiritual calling, and i, just i, was to blame. it's difficult fessing up to your mistakes, however, i feel i need to. my calling, your calling, and everyones calling is to serve the lord, and currently single is my best option. though this,i can serve my creator to the fullest. right now, at three months shy of fifteen, im ok with single. because the chances are my future husband is not someone i know, or even will meet in the next 5 years, and when you come to grips with that, you might change some parts of your life. at this time it would take a very special boy, who is spiritually, mentally, and emotionally solid for me to have another relationship. im open to it, however if im not stronger in Christ in a relationship than i am single, that says something. that says that im not in the right relationship. which is why i have chosen not to seek out a guy, god will put one in my path.theres no reason to seek out a guys attention, i already have Christ's. maybe this guy is someone i'll meet in a month, or maybe ten years but regardless God knows! this weekend i got the pleasure of seeing my brother, Ryan. his girlfriend Courtney was visiting. (btw, Courtney is beautiful,godly,and wonderful. love her.) Every time i looked at them, i couldnt help but think, this is what a relationship should look like. you saw how much they cared without them saying a word, and it was beautiful. which is why i will wait. one day i will be the Courtney, and God will put the Ryan in my life. and thats a day i look forward too. no matter what walk of life he comes from, that person is wonderful because the ultimate matchmaker put him with me. my god has a plan and knows exactly who that is, and he is so much better than any 14 year old boy i think i love. this guy, whoever he is, is the love of my life. and without meeting him, i alreadly love him. because the one who matched him with me is far better than eHarmony or Match, God knows, and he has it all planned out.